


Dancing on my Own

by highfunctioningauthor



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Episode: s03e02 The Sign of Three, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-06 09:58:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5412551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/highfunctioningauthor/pseuds/highfunctioningauthor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate stag night.</p><p>After the stag night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dancing on my Own

**Author's Note:**

> Right. I gave that other fic a try, but it just wasn't working for me. So, I deleted it. Here's an Angst one.  
> Not beta'd. None of my stuff is.

Sherlock should've figured that John wouldn't have stayed. He should've known that John would've looked at himself, then Sherlock, and get up fast. He shouldn't have thought that John would want to stay the night, stay for the rest of his life.

He didn't want to watch as John hurriedly put on his clothes, and rush to the bathroom. He didn't want to hear John muttering swearwords to himself, as he tried to clean himself up. He didn't want to hear the words, "I'm sorry. This should've never happened, Sherlock. Just delete it." come out of John's mouth.

He should've known, but he was too distracted by the words that John was saying to him, as their bodies moved together. He was focusing on how close he finally was to John. Focusing on how fast John's heart was beating, and the change in his breathing pattern. The way that his eyes changed to a different shade of blue as they moaned each other's names. He didn't think that it would all be a mistake.

So, when John said those words, Sherlock felt like he had just jumped from Bart's all over again. He saw the pain in John's eyes, and how his hands were shaking with regret. Sherlock felt disgusted with himself, but he didn't show it. He had just nodded at John, and told him that he would delete it, as he tried to hide how his throat was dry all of a sudden.

 

After the stag night, Sherlock acted like nothing happened. He was kind to Mary, he acted like he used to act before John knew how he felt about him. He didn't let John see the pain in his eyes, but he could see the guilt in John's. He felt like Mary knew, but he could never get a clear read on Mary. He didn't mention it, and he didn't sit or stand too close to John, afraid that it might be obvious.

Every time he looked in the mirror he pretended like he didn't remember how John's lips felt on his own lips, and on his skin. He pretended like he didn't miss hearing his name in John's moans and pants. He pretended like what happened never happened.

 

When the wedding came, Sherlock didn't hide his feelings for John in his speech. When John hugged him, he felt like maybe John didn't want him to delete it. Maybe John was regretting leaving after it happened.

Sherlock didn't mention it. He didn't make any move to show John that he missed him, and his touch. Sherlock had told John that he loved him that night, and John had smiled at Sherlock like he was the greatest thing in the world. Sherlock just wanted to see that smile again.

During his speech, he looked at Mrs. Hudson, Molly, and Lestrade. He could tell that they knew something happened. They pitied him.

 

After Sherlock played his waltz, and told the newlyweds the news of their child, he stood in the middle of the crowd. He had never felt more lonely. Not even when he was stuck in a drug den when he was younger. He felt like he was spinning around and around in circles. He looked over at the couple, and watched as John kissed Mary. Mary wouldn't love John as much as Sherlock loved him.

He looked at Janine, and went to walk towards her. He wanted to dance, he wanted to forget about this. He was so messed up, he just wanted things to be back to normal. When he saw that Janine was dancing with someone else, he huffed out a cold and broken laugh, and looked at John again. He wanted to be in Mary's place. He wanted to be the one John was taking home. He wanted to be John's love.

He opened his mouth to say goodbye, but John didn't see him. That was fine. John had said that what happened was a mistake, so being here watching them was a mistake also.

As he walked through the crowd, he heard the song fade into a slow song, and he knew he made the right choice to leave. He didn't want to have to stand there awkwardly anymore. He grabbed his coat and left the building, and swiftly put on his coat. This was stupid, he should've said no to being best man.

 

Sherlock made it to 221B and it felt empty and cold. He started a fire, and sat in his chair, drinking out of one of John's alcohol bottles. He took a deep breath, and looked at John's chair. He couldn't stand it.

He stood up, and put on the recording of the waltz he composed, and he began dancing with the bottle in his hand. He danced alone, pretending he was dancing with John. The music died, and he was left standing in the middle of the lounge, and he threw the bottle at a wall, watching the liquid run down the wall. Sherlock clenched his fists, and he started the music again, beginning to dance.

He ignored the broken bottle, and he ignored everything around him, and he danced. He danced with his mind palace John, until he felt arms stop him, and he let himself be embraced my Mrs. Hudson, looking at the broken bottle as she was talking to him. He couldn't hear her, he just kept replaying John dancing with Mary, over and over.


End file.
